My Brokenness is My Biggest Blessing

As I write that title, I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If someone told me two and a half years ago I would be writing those words, I would have laughed; to be honest I probably would have cried. I was in such a dark and broken place back then. I was lost with no direction, no hope or no desire. My world around me had crumbled in such a way, that I thought it could never be rebuilt. Fast forward to present day.... I THANK GOD for every broken piece and every tear I have shed.

Yes, many of you might think that I am crazy...and you are probably right. However, it is from my brokenness that I have found myself...found beauty. A beauty that is worth every struggle, and  every sleepless night. I have learned to lean on God first, not to try to figure it out myself.  Although there are times more often than I would like to admit; that I still try to figure it out on my own. None the less, I am quickly reminded that leaning on my own logic and reasoning often leads to a disaster. But, I have a God that is merciful and gracious. He is there to pick me up, brokenness and all. He surrounds me with His protections and unconditional love every single day.  Glory to God... He is good and he does good, not sometimes but ALL of the time!!

You [God] are good and do only good;teach me your decrees.
Psalm 119:68

My brokenness has led me down a path that I am so grateful for. I have a wonderful church home, where I can grow and blossom. From this I have established many new friendships and have been given many new opportunities...opportunities and friendships that I would not have been blessed with if I had not gone through what I had. I can look back and see God working at each and every step in this journey that I am on.

At the beginning of this year our pastor's message at church was "Blessed to be a Blessing" it was a powerful message, one that has changed my perspective not only on 2014, but my life in general. My brokenness has allowed me to reach out to people and make a connection. These connections have changed my life... these connections are God connections. He knew I would need this strong and amazing people in my life to help and guide me carry out His will for my life.

I am a single mother of three handsome little boys that challenge and bless me daily. I am so thankful for them, and all they teach me about life. I am thankful that God has trusted me and allowed be to watch and help them grow in Him. I am blessed by my full time job, that allows me to provide for my family. I am blessed for the many friendships that I have gained from this journey. I am thankful that I am part of a life group that is there for me through the good, the bad and the ugly. I am thankful for the friends that I can reach out to at midnight, because I feel the darkness closing in on me.  I am thankful to be part of a women's ministry, and the life changing fellowship it has provided. And most of all I am thankful that  my brokenness has been my biggest blessing thus far. It is the brokenness that has given me a boldness to reach out and bless others. Although I have no idea where this journey will take me... I trust and know that He is leading me somewhere amazing!

 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

God bless!

Joy!

With each new year, there comes a new hope, a new resolution to make this year better than the previous. A new year often symbolizes a fresh start, a chance to make things right, reach new goals or a chance to finally make that change that has been plaguing you for months. So with that being said I have vowed and promised myself to make 2014 my best year yet. Although, at the beginning of every new year my goal has been to improve on the previous year, this year is just a little bit different.  This year I turn thirty, with that there comes more pressure to follow through. I know to most this may not seem like much, but to me it is huge.

I have always been a planner and a list maker. When I planned and made my list for thirty it looked nothing like what my life looks like now. And while at first I will admit I felt as though I had failed, I now know that HIS plan for my life is so much bigger than my check list. All He asks me to do is trust in Him, not my failures, or my current circumstances.  He asks me to step out in faith and watch what He will do and where he can take me.  But how can I do that? As someone that needs a list or a plan, how can I just step out and trust?

The answer came to me a few weeks back, as I was praying for the new year, asking Him to guide me and give me wisdom. As part of the local LeadHer chapter we are asked to pick a word each year, a word that we can focus on throughout the year and pray over.  God quickly gave me the word JOY.  Receiving my word for 2014 was the easy part, but what exactly did joy mean? What did it mean to me, or my life? What verse in scripture would I use to go along with it?

As I looked into what exactly joy meant, I quickly realized that joy is not an easy term to define. The Merriam- Webster dictionary defines joy as “a feeling of great happiness or a source or cause of great happiness: something or someone that gives joy to someone.” The Holman Bible dictionary defines joy as “the happy state that results from knowing and serving God.”  While I have to agree with both, I believe there is more to the concept of joy.

Joy is more than happiness; I believe that happiness is often related to your circumstances. If times are good, happiness is inevitable. But what happens when times are not so good? Happiness is often lacking in times of brokenness and darkness. That is where I believe joy comes in; joy does not depend on your circumstances. Joy is a gift from our Heavenly Father that circumstance cannot take away.  

As I continued my research on joy I came across an acrostic for joy that made more sense:

J-Jesus

O- Others

Y- Yourself

What a great visual of what joy represents. When you put Jesus and others before yourself you have joy. Joy is not based on earthy things, which can be taken from you. True joy can only come from the Lord. Now I would be a fool to expect this year to be free of heartache, disappointment or trials; it is through these types of storms that joy is developed and tested.  This leads me to my verse for 2014:

² Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.³ for you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4 (NLT)

I am praying expectantly for 2014 to my best year yet. After all don’t most say that your thirties are some of the best years of your life? I am ready, and willing to do the work. With God on my side I know I cannot fail. I am circling His promises and trusting His word. So I welcome 2014 with open arms…

¹¹ You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance. Psalm 65:11